photo Ben White Unsplash
Recent research makes a big deal of social support. Could have guessed that, right? The research found that those with at least 3 confidants actually lived longer. Besides the health benefits, it’s just more fun isn’t it, to have these unconditional friends peppering our days.
In addition to your inner circle, at certain points you may need other types of support. These can include the following types: 1-1 support, group support, therapy, coaching, intuitive support and the less professional but important support of friends and family. Let’s review the options.
First, how do you know when it’s time to get more support or hire some? At these times, you keep getting stuck in some kind of rut. It can be bad moods – anxiety, depression, irritability – that keep coming up. It can look like fear that keeps you from taking the next step. Or a lack of skills that make you feel like you’re in over your head a lot of the time. The pattern keeps repeating. It feels like you keep getting tripped up. When this keeps happening, help can be a big relief as it breaks the tension.
Therapy support is often indicated with mood challenges or issues that have a long history to them. It can also be a good time for therapy if you realize you have some trauma history that is having a impact on you currently. It may surface anew with different triggers kicking it off. You may feel more ready to clear it.
Another good time for therapy is when you are working at a high level, but feel old history start to interfere with higher development. For example, the millennial manager who realized his unresolved grief and family patterns were interfering with both work performance and family communication. It was an excellent time to sign up for a course of therapy.
Coaching support is when your personal issues are reasonably cleared, and you have a big step to take. My clients will have a sense they need to upgrade in some way, either work life, or the inner dynamics of growth. They may, for example, wish to improve how they deal with money or communication. This period of growth can go more smoothly and less painfully, with a coach working alongside and providing accountability and a place to report back.
Intuitive support is good when you feel there is something going on behind the scenes which is hard to access or figure out. You can tell it’s having an influence, but it’s outside the realm of common sense somehow. It’s not clearly apparent. This is when utilizing that sixth sense zone can help. This zone does not always require a psychic or intuitive by the way. Often my clients can access their own intuition, or illuminating symbols, when they’re supported to slow down and go within.
Groups can be another great form of support. Therapy and coaching groups, classes for developing intuitive skills, can be more affordable and introduce you to like-minded comrades. Alongside the work you are also increasing communication and collaboration skills, by virtue of of working together. This is always a plus.
Friends can provide support, but this may not always work for every situation. In general, the clearer you are about exactly the type of support you’re needing, the better. For example, you might want someone to just listen without offering solutions. Just be aware that when seeking “untrained” support, it can backfire at times to be less than helpful. For example, if a friend gets triggered by your request. At that point, not only are you not getting what you need – now there is a weird energy to handle.
With family support, there can also be challenges. Yes, it can work, but know that if you are considering something risky to the family system, it may challenge the status quo. Also, family members commonly wish to refrain from burdening each other. That can be totally off that you will burden them. If it is feeling that right now, this could be too much, know that reaching outside the family for support increases the family’s strength. It can also be more objective. The added benefit of reaching outside the family is perhaps not needing to hold back as much in sharing your worries and your truth.
Though support may have gotten a bad rap in the past, e.g., the stigma of seeking therapy, today’s research, as well as desires to contribute to a complicated and needy world, can liberate us toward a new view. Support can make stepping up to a new level much more possible, much more smooth, and likely faster. It can clear old patterns that keep us bumping up against dreary walls. It can aid in navigating new territory. It can provide reality checks that soothe anxiety and help momentum continue at a steady and more sustainable pace.
After all, it’s not only about living longer. It’s about living your truth – and living well.
What is the best support happening in your life?
When do you know you may need more than you’re getting? Please comment.
And there is a Spring Coaching Special here at Soul Savvy – through 6/20/19
PS I haven’t mentioned Mastermind support – I lead MM groups – and have been in one for 13 years, meeting weekly most of the time. More on that coming…