Just recovering from a family holiday visit, I noticed some ancestral patterns getting stirred up that I hadn’t anticipated. As we enter the holiday season, I thought I’d share four observations and a few tools that helped me recover and re-center — a few bits of preventative wisdom in case you’re heading “home” soon too.
And if this isn’t your path — if your family is functional and thriving — may you simply enjoy that blessing and have a spacious, peaceful holiday season.
Observation One: We’re Not in Kansas Anymore
My day-to-day life is surrounded by soulful friends and chosen family — people who do inner work and communicate with care. Returning to the earlier homeland reminded me how different those worlds can be.
Sometimes we’re the only therapist, intuitive, or self-aware person in the room, and that can be disorienting. It can also be a reminder of how much we’ve grown, and why the wider world can feel the way it does at times. Life is messy, a friend reminded me – often far from perfect.
Observation Two: Sensitivity Has a Cost
When you’re highly sensitive or empathic, the energy of old family dynamics can take a real toll. You might find yourself around someone whose normal communication style — constant commentary, teasing, jokes at others’ expense — leaves you feeling drained.
Even if the visit goes well, the emotional residue can show up a few days later. Awareness itself is powerful medicine. During the trip, it helped to keep up my morning exercise, journaling and meditation practice. When something came up, say a dip in mood, I had tools I could use to shift. That helped me stay present and enjoy the good moments, too.
Observation Three: Give Yourself Recovery Space
Even after a positive trip, reentry takes energy. Be realistic about what you can accomplish afterward — it may not be a high-productivity week. Lighten your load, postpone non-essentials, and let yourself move gently.
It took a few days for the full impact of my trip to land. Efforts to clear my energy field took more time, and repetition. A two hour hike helped a lot, but I had more to do to recover fully. Give yourself grace, and remember those wise reminders to not overload the schedule at this time of year – it’s probably already getting busy!
Observation Four: A Brave Next Step
Sometimes a family visit doesn’t just surface the past — it also reveals where we’ve been holding back in the present. If there’s a meaningful step you’ve been avoiding (for me, it’s re-entering the dating world), this might be the moment to gently move toward it.
Not from pressure — but from truth.
From readiness.
From the desire to live more fully.
Healing the old often clears space for the new. That’s what we want from healing work, right? More clarity, more ability to focus on creating a positive future.
My Go-To Tools for Recovery & Realignment
I needed several sessions with myself, a good hike, time with friends, and to gently get back to full recovery. Don’t hold back when you see that need for yourself. As you are going to sleep or waking, you may sense these healing needs. In that liminal time, emotions and leftovers are more clear. I used some of the tools below to really cement the shift, and also burned a few sprigs of sage and written notes of what to release, in this returning to my spiritual ground/center.
1. Post-Event Summary
A simple debrief helps you name what went well, what was challenging, and what you learned — so you see the full picture, not just the highs or lows. End with:
“How will I acknowledge or reward myself?”
For me, that meant fresh flowers for my home and office — a small gesture of beauty and gratitude. Slack and grace were also constant qualities to return to.
Here’s the handy dandy fillable PDF for the Post Event Summary – I’ve shared it before. Sensitives especially tend to focus on what went wrong – but this can help you keep the bigger perspective – the whole messy truth ✌️. That’s often a big relief, and can put an end to any spiraling or overthinking.
2. Emotional Integration
Lingering emotions are messages. Let them move through. As you reflect on family stories, you may see how old relationships shaped both pain and growth in your lineage. Awareness alone can be healing.
Recognize that lingering emotions have a purpose, and can allow deeper realizations to come forth. Ancestral work is like peeling an onion – there’s usually another layer to discover. I saw how some of my mother’s pain was a hardship she endured that influenced her approach to life. Tough to see, but also insight that added compassion.
What then do you do with that? Here, you might use ceremony to bless the family. You may do some gratitude work around the evolution that has happened since that time. You might make time to honor those relationships that matter.
The idea is to make room for your emotions – to name them, and use your tools and practices to recenter and come back to your true home ground. Here I also used the first step of my stress to strength tools, to take stock of what is.
Use whatever practice supports you — journaling, ceremony, gratitude, intuitive work, practical recalibration. Here is a link to the Letting Go book excerpt that names how to hang with emotions in a healthy way – that is a great book btw.
Letting Go tool for working with emotions – excerpt from the David Hawkins book. He also wrote Power vs Force.
3. Reorient to What’s Important Now
Once you’ve grounded and processed, come back to you.
What feels meaningful now? How might this challenge highlight what’s missing or any unmet needs right now?
What’s next in your life? Where is your energy being called?
Here is step one of the Stress to Strength tools – a type of mind and heart dump of what’s on your plate now. This is the one Cal Newport recommends doing weekly. So helpful with returning and recentering.
Reconnect with the people who nourish you. Make time for the things that lift your spirit. Often, simply resting may be a huge help with recovery and integration.
When I left home, it took years to heal back to wholeness. Even through that “little T trauma”, I came to realize that family – the blood kind – is important. We choose them for a reason, for soul learning, for spirit lessons.
I wish you well on your path of standing strong in your truth alongside your ancestors. And many blessings if you also need time and space, when recovering from a family holiday visit. 💕
Wishing you all the best this holiday season – both for the external maneuvers and the inner healing that may arise.
What helps you with ancestral trauma work? Comment below to help the tribe…
If You Need Support Returning to Yourself…
Healing the past and stepping into your next expression often go hand in hand.
If you’re feeling tender from family time, or sensing a deeper calling around your work, purpose, or life direction, I offer intuitive coaching sessions that weave soul healing with purpose alignment — so you can move forward grounded, clear, and radiant.
If you’d like support, you can book a complimentary 20-minute consult here.
End of year can also be a good time to refresh with a short therapy course – I do have a few openings. Find out more about my therapy and coaching services here.