Every month the Soul Savvy team creates a video for the month’s Soul Themes and Tools. See more info at https://soulsavvy.net/monthly-video/.
At an anxious client’s first session last week, he asked me about how his high anxiety came to be. “My parents encouraged me, believed in me”, he noted. It was a loving home. There wasn’t any abuse. Well, as many parents will attest, sometimes babies arrive with strong characteristics in place. There’s the sweet-natured, sleep-through-the-night-babe, and their sister, the colicky cranky pants.
In addition, no matter how wonderful the parenting, as you grow there are usually areas of the self that get left out or get less approval. There is a continuum of trauma with that, from mild to horrendous. Even with a mild lack of reflection or criticism, children learn to disown parts of themselves.
In many spiritual traditions, it is just considered part of the journey that recreating wholeness is part of the adult seekers landscape. Returning to the fullness of the self, and reintegrating all parts, takes some time and attention. Becoming whole requires you to heal, to re-member, and reclaim, all parts of the self, the good the bad and the ugly. Or those so-termed.
Before wholeness is achieved, these gaps of wholeness can wreak havoc. They can form a self-love desert, or a wound. These ignored or underdeveloped areas become blind spots deep within. Mostly unconscious, they always cry for attention and healing. They often obstruct peacefulness and connection.
When there is abuse or trauma, these wastelands of disconnection are more deep and widespread. Some of my clients with severe abuse take a long time to have very simple self-awareness and self-regard. The brain is a powerful thing in these cases. Still, healing and wholeness are possible.
OK. Just a little background here for one of two Soul themes that showed up for August. Loving the Unlovable – First within, then without. I’m still unpacking this, and I welcome your thoughts.
Can this be relevant to the polarized energy in the US right now? The tendency to blame the different other – how could they be so stupid? How can they think this way? The words used are often the same names the disowned self is called.
Let’s put aside for a moment the skillful propaganda utilized for the political and corporate gains of both political parties. What if an additional reason for the vehemence of the fighting is due to our own blind spots? Our own fears or discomfort, related to our own wounds?
Disowned parts cry out for attention and healing, causing stress and agitation. Most of the time, they don’t become conscious per say. But they lead to mild to moderate to high abuse – of the self, first off. Then, this hole in your wholeness usually gets projected out onto others.
This is what I’m calling the Self Love Desert’s Ecoterrorism. Or you perhaps could see it as inner police brutality when it targets the self. And community brutality, when it targets others.
How do you deal? Step one is loving the hateful bits inside. Hateful may be a strong word. But considering the state of the country, maybe not! First watch for them. Negative emotions are often a clue. When they arise, the opportunity is to use them as a gateway to cultivating healing and wholeness.
Once this self-love desert gets a little rain, then perhaps more kindness can be sent to the self, and the outside world. Or at least a little more tolerance.
Funny thing, the August 2020 Soul Tool? It’s the RAIN (acronym) emotional mindfulness exercise. Not always sure ahead of time how the intuitive info will cohere, but in this case, it’s right on.
Would love your comments:
Help us unpack the theme Loving the Unlovable: Within & Without. Did this make sense? Other ideas?
How are you following the golden rule (treat others as you wish to be treated/love one another) with the division and disrespect rampant today in the US?
For a more deep yet expedient way of clearing past trauma and updating inner unloved closet contents recommend the newer technique, Rapid Resolution Therapy. I received certification in 2018, and find even one session effective in some cases.
Book a consult with Denise to see if this fits for you.