A guide for sensitives, deep thinkers, and anyone who spirals sometimes.
Why Affirmations Don’t Always Work for Highly Sensitive People
If you’re a highly sensitive person, an intuitive, or simply someone with a very active mind, you already know this: thinking is both your superpower and your stress trigger.
Your mind can see patterns instantly, anticipate outcomes, and reflect deeply. But that same brilliance can tip into:
- overthinking
- catastrophizing
- spiraling
- trying to “think your way out” of emotional distress
This becomes especially tricky when you rely on affirmations or mindset work alone—because when you’re dysregulated, the emotional brain takes over.
Let’s set the stage with the two kinds of coping covered in my book, Stress to Strength.
Problem-Focused vs. Emotion-Focused Coping (And Why It Matters)
1. Problem-Focused Coping
This is your logical, executive-function skillset.
It includes:
✔ solving the issue
✔ making a plan
✔ preparing talking points
✔ doing the task
✔ communicating clearly
2. Emotion-Focused Coping
This is where your thinking habits show up—automatic, fast, outdated, or patterned thoughts that arise when your emotional brain is activated.
This is often where HSPs get tangled. Not because your thinking is wrong, but because you’re using thinking in the wrong moments.
Why Overthinking Fails When You’re Dysregulated
You’ve probably heard this:
When the emotional brain lights up, the executive brain goes partially offline.
Translation:
You can’t “logic yourself” out of anxiety, fear, reactivity, or old wounds.
This is why affirmations like:
- I’m safe.
- I’m supported.
- I have all the abundance I need.
…don’t land when your nervous system is running old programming like:
- “I’m not safe.”
- “I have to work hard for everything.”
- “It could all fall apart.”
Affirmations can feel good for a few minutes, but then you drop right back into fear or scarcity.
Nothing is wrong with you. This is simply physiology.
So instead of layering positivity over old beliefs, let’s work directly with the thoughts underneath.
A Simple, CBT-Based Tool for Working With Your Thoughts
This tool—rooted in Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT) and adapted for the Stress & Strength™ system—is deceptively simple and extremely effective. It includes three steps. (It’s recommended you write these out. Consistent practice of this tool for a month will shift your coping patterns and change your world.)
Step 1: Name the Thought
Write down the negative or spiraling thought exactly as it appears.
Not the softened version—the raw one.
Examples:
- “This will never work.”
- “I’m failing.”
- “Everything is going to fall apart.”
- “I’m so fat.”
Write it down.
This alone slows the spiral.
Rate the stress level (1–10, 10 is high) this thought is causing.
Step 2: Ask Two Questions
Just yes/no to start:
1. Is it true?
Absolutely true? 100% true? With no exceptions?
(Usually… no.)
2. Is it helpful?
If it’s creating stress, the answer is probably no.
Then jot a few notes:
- Why it’s not fully true
- Why it’s not helpful
This interrupts the automatic pattern and creates emotional space. It’s the set up for step 3, the reframe as it’s called.
Step 3: Reframe the Thought
This is your regulated, big-picture thought.
Not positive thinking. Not avoidance.
An updated, more accurate, kinder, more empowering truth.
Then re-rate your stress.
You’ll usually feel a shift—sometimes small, sometimes profound.
Why This Works (The Part Most People Miss)
Many people try to use affirmations or the law of attraction by being only positive.
But a whole, integrated perspective includes:
- the challenge
- the truth
- the progress
- the bigger picture
Highly sensitive people tend to overemphasize the challenge—especially when dysregulated. But the fuller truth usually includes evidence of:
- growth
- resilience
- effort
- change
- support
- possibility
Healing happens in the nuance—where compassion meets clarity. This is when you hold of the bigger picture.
Additional Tools for Working With Thoughts
📘 Book Recommendation: You Can Create an Exceptional Life
By Louise Hay & Cheryl Richardson
A beautiful conversation-style book blending mindset and real-world wisdom. Perfect for year-end reflection. They go deep into challenges and teach how to create wonderful and realistic affirmations.
🧘 EFT (Emotional Freedom Technique)
I’ll link my podcast episode with EFT expert Phil Cerdorian, plus a worksheet I created for this practice.
EFT combines:
- Western self-talk + affirmation
- Eastern meridian tapping
A powerful emotional regulation tool and negative thought changer – especially for HSPs.
📝 Thought-Changing Worksheets (One from My Book)
A fillable PDF of the CBT tool above which is Step Four of the Stress to Strength book. Very grounding for anxious, fast-moving minds.
Trap It • Map It • Zap It
A simple and fun CBT tool I encountered years ago. Slightly different angle that also helps for quick reframing.
As We Enter the New Year…
This season is a natural moment for mental, emotional, and spiritual updates.
Just like software, your inner system is meant to evolve. What’s outdated can be released. What’s emerging can be nurtured.
As you reset for the year ahead, may these tools help you:
- clear old thought patterns
- regulate your nervous system
- expand your sense of possibility
- relate to your mind with more tenderness
Big blessings—and much hope, expansion, and ease for your year ahead.
Denise Barnes, MA, LPC, Rev
Therapist & Career Coach blending practical and intuitive support
Author of Stress to Strength empowerment guide
LinkedIn: www.linkedin.com/in/denisebarnesboulder
Sessions + offerings: www.soulsavvy.net
Free consult: No cost, no obligation