Ah January, the month of truth. If you set goals last year, this is the classic time to look back, read them and weep ; ) So, how do you cross this threshold with balance? The New Year’s light on the truth regarding any goals you did not accomplish can be priceless. Especially when used with compassion for your big picture learning, and with planning that propels you to action.
READY FOR THE TRUTH? OW! HEY! Okay…
There is only one problem with getting clear about goals. Oh yeah, there is research to say that this is a major predictor of success and happiness, this act of actually writing down your goals. All well and good. But after you’ve done this, and it’s time to take stock, and you fall short – that’s no fun now, is it? I wonder how many avoid setting goals at all, fearing failure or a no-nonsense encounter with the truth?
“Failure” of some kind or another is inevitable and healthy though, so let’s look this in the eye. One thing you learn about problem solving or goal setting – it’s not necessarily the first solution or first round of action that will magically solve your problem or manifest your goal. That’s why you come up with 5-10 solutions in your first round of brainstorming possible solutions. That’s why you continue to revise goals, and reassess how your actions went.
When you learn from these initial rounds is that you can reframe failure, from something that signifies an end or a loss, into a tweaking machine of perpetual growth. The good news here is, you’ll actually fear death less – because then you may finally get a break! And no, I’m not saying you should force your retirement now or jump shift into the next realm quite yet. Nah, too much fun ahead, once you get through this week of planning.
IT’S THE LEFT, BUT THE RIGHT BRAIN TOO
Let’s just say right off, goals (and yeah, soul savvy money making, and even creating a balanced, fulfilling life) are an inexact science. There are lots of clues out there, and lots of people who might think they know a thing or two about these areas. But part of the fun here on Earth is that you get to figure out your own way through the mess, er, I mean the beautiful landscape. One thing with goals and planning – there is a left brain, logical side to it, and also a more mysterious, right brain side. Yep, you need both, the science and the art.
Because of this, I do quite a lot of education with my coaching clients about goal work. They set a goal. They don’t complete it. They feel sheepish at the next coaching appointment, until they realize – well, yes indeedy, I did learn quite a bit, even if I didn’t completely complete that goal. Or, though I didn’t get as far with this goal, I have a brand new appreciation for this whole project. And on it goes. So don’t get all black and white or totally left-brain out on this goal process. In fact, how can we make this fun right now? Let’s get some potato chips! Oh shoot, can’t do that – I have this new diet goal ; ) How about some tea then?
Perspective my friend. Balanced reporting. You are on a mission here to give the 2010 summary of your soul path. You must hand back the receipts for the life energy you’ve used, and where that etheric cash took you. You must dig through files and wrestle a bit with every part of yourself to write this report. Then, you’ll revamp, revise, and reinvent an even more outrageous yet reality-based, world changing plan for em, yourself for 2011. You’re going to ask for more soul funding, right? So you need a proposal of sorts. You need some angel investors on your side who say – “Count me in Jasmine! Here’s some more soul cash!”
So let’s see how to keep compassionate with the conclusions, and yet fierce with the truth that will continue to set your free, and keep you creative. All this sweat is in service of you making leaps and bounds and but of course, making more real cash, by the time we have to do this again next year. Ready?
PERSPECTIVE KEEP-IN-MINDERS
First, a few things to keep in mind for the sake of a balanced, earth-based perspective.
1) You, as you currently appear, are not all that you are
Okay before some of you get all kinds of proud about your accomplishments, and some of you get all hang-a-bucket-on-that-lower-lip about your quote failures, let’s remember something. You’re not real. I mean, in terms of you being a human – that’s not the total you, right? I mean yeah sure, you have your proposal and you’re keeping track of that soul cash as best you can. But you’re not defined by your earthly bank account, by your success, and by your neat crossing off the list of all 72 of your 2010 goals. Comprende? Bueno. Give a spirit high five. Oops, missed. Once more – this light worker high five is a bit harder than the fleshy one.
2) Don’t let your mind carp on the losses without including the gains
The disappointments and yes, quote failures, may carry more weight if they are left to swing alone in the breeze of your mind. Make sure to balance that lopsided see saw with the accomplishments, with the triumphs even. This is what I so love about some of these processes. Yes, I’m one of those weirdoes who likes worksheets (maybe it’s all that journal writing over the years, or the previously unthought-of of insights that come after writing out a response to a good inquiry/question). Just be sure that you are not just bumming out because you recently gained some of that weight back that you lost last summer.
I mean yes, grieve and learn from it, but does that define your year? Because if you recall, when you compare the disappointments with the accomplishments – OMG – did you completely forget that major thing you did last February? I know – it was a long time ago. I wouldn’t even remember anything from those months if I didn’t use my day timer to jog the ol’ memory. Feels like centuries ago. So, look at the triumphs along side those disappointments, and see if that helps to balance your view of 2010. This is part of the challenge with life overall, so it’s great practice.
3) Worthy detours happen, among the shite and shifts
Another positive way to spin failure for your learning is looking at the overall picture. Why do you think you didn’t fulfill this goal, in the larger view of your life last year? Where there surprises that came up you had to deal with that took priority? A sick parent, a child in trouble, an unexpected project that looked too good to pass up, or some other worthy detour? Yes, you make goals, and once made, you let them go. You set your course truly and see what weather you’ll encounter. You find out what else the universe has in store. 2010 may not have been the year to do X – we can’t always predict the best timing for a goal, in retrospect. And usually, when the universe has a better idea, you want to go along with her.
THIS AIN’T NO DISCO, THIS AIN’T NO HOCKEY GAME
Here are a few other things to keep in mind with our complex journey on earth, being human yet a being of light, in the world and needing to pay the rent/mortgage, yet really being secret angels of light making hammocks of the gods in other realms, as we nervously bite our nails or eat ice cream or play racket ball as best we can in this oxygen carbon nitrogen atmosphere we call home…
1) Not ready or not in enough pain
When a goal keeps thwarting your best efforts, this can be good information too. Maybe the pain of this problem isn’t quite large enough yet to increase your motivation to make it happen. Maybe that ambivalence between the pain of change and the pain of the status quo hasn’t quite tipped you into consistent action yet. Maybe you first need to find healthier ways to get the pay offs you are currently getting from say, smoking or comfort eating… or underearning, before you try the new way. Hey, I’m just sayin’. If it needs to happen, if you embrace your lightworker decision made so long ago… no worries. And sometimes you need some help. Meanwhile, please pass the Ben & Jerry’s. And then, get some guidance on the blog, or email me for a sample coaching session.
2) Goal overload and/or confusion
Sometimes you try to work on too many goals at once. This is where prioritizing can help. What are your three main goals for this year, or the first three you want to start with? Would it be better to just start with one? How do you sort out responsibilities you must attend to, like the good nutrition or the day job or child rearing, from something you’d like to create? Wait; is that a goal area, or an action to take for that goal area? All good things to think about and clarify as best you can. Even if goal making is partly a science, humans are more mysterious – so set your course and see what happens. Try it one way, then try it another. You can’t help but continue learning if you keep coming to the planning session. Would you like some tea?
3) If you are fool enough to do this, plan a reward
How many fools do you think are sweating out this end of year, start of new year report? Nobody in the Dilbert cartoon, you can be sure. No, just the millions of swashbuckling lightworkers on a secret mission to create heaven on this dirtball. You know who you are, and hopefully you know a few light-minded others. Supposedly, only 3% of the population actually writes out their life/year goals. And yeah, they’re the richest, most successful bastards, but hey, we’re not really our bank accounts right? So, plan a nice treat. It’s hard work, and somebody, most likely you, has to do it. What will you do when you’re done? Name it, and do it, by next Monday, okay? You deserve it – this stuff is hard work, but it saves boatloads of time and keeps your soul cash flow in the black.
PERSPECTIVE, COMPASSION AND ACTION: LEAN INTO IT, LIGHTWORKER
So you didn’t completely complete your goal – but what else happened? Was there learning nonetheless? I think of clients in the Quantum Leap program this fall. They might not have reached their goals in every case – but even leaning in to the goals produced huge learnings.
Sometimes taking a few steps toward a goal gives you knowledge you didn’t have. Yes, it might take more time or knowledge than you thought to complete this. Perhaps your goal and vision can use a bit of revising. Maybe your vision then becomes more realistic, i.e., closer to becoming real. Yes, this can at first be discouraging … but as one client noted, there are still gains. Decreasing overall anxiety about this previously unexplored goal, now that you’ve leaned into the area, and faced some fears – this is huge. H-U-G-E.
Besides, often taking those steps leads to another goal area getting some TLC, maybe even completion. Oh it’s a complex web, and those strings are all connected. So note the progress, and note the next steps that now appear, as you truck along. Decide how often you’ll check back with your plan – call it Mission Control meetings. Bring special teas.
You may even realize after a bit of this leaning in, that this goal is not for you. Great. Anything that increases your clarity and your momentum will still count as positive gains in your report to the board. Just in case you think they’ll need some persuading – I hear they love roses and spicy Thai food. Some things are just not as available in the fourth dimension, so I hear.
REWARDS, REWARDS, REWARDS
That’s right – you have three rewards to give yourself, at least. Okay you can do one big one or two medium-sized ones. The important thing is – what will you do to celebrate 2010? What will you do to appreciate yourself for those beads of soul sweat you had to generate to create this heart-bound report (oh my that parchment is lovely!). Finally, how will you note your arrival into that elite 3% of those who name the soul path for the next year? Right, we’re not talking resolutions babe – no, this is much bigger than that.
BOTTOM LINE – TO MAKE THE MOST OF YOUR OLD YEAR/NEW YEAR ASSESSMENT
Use some tools, take some time – it is an incredible investment. (I’ll include some tools for the above in the section below.)
Involve your right and left brain. (It’s funny sometimes how some goals you make and then forget about – happen almost outside of consciousness – what ease!)
Don’t get stuck in the remorse or self criticism, choose to learn and keep that perspective wide.
Choose three goals to work on at a time. Use short words or phrases to describe them. Put the important points on one page.
Use sticky notes or such to keep those babies in view. I used to put a goal list in my desk drawer at one job. It worked!
Don’t strive too hard or lust after your goal – remember how that can push desires away? Rather, uncover the higher quality it would give you to have the goal. Relax. Dress up, act as if.
Imbibe that quality regularly this goal would bring to you – how your heart and soul would vibrate, when achieved. Peace? Joy? Fun? Wicked creativity? Hot love? Let that quality fill you body and soul, and use this to help you practice your walk having that goal now.
And before you walk away from that drawing board, write it all down. Type it up even. And then, pick one word to describe 2010, and one word you’d like to create with 2011. Just one. Yeah, write that down. Put this all in a folder that you’ll find in a year…
Then let it all go and start another juggling act called the 2011 life circus. Bring on the clowns! Oh… they were here all along… I just didn’t realize how funny they were, with my carp-laden perspective.
My best to your inner and outer wealth this year, and to plans that rock the Board,
Denise Barnes
Ideas? Challenges? Want more guidance or tools? Please comment below….