DDRR series: Martial Arts Tricks and the Doubt Diva
Just a quickie this time for a Doubt Diva Rescue Remedy idea. Taken from my Self Defense training last Friday night. (Insert kung fu picture here, with Hya! sound effect… Okay it wasn’t exactly like that, but I’ve been into action movies lately…)
What a trip that was! Some 20 of us, transformed from meek and polite Boulderites into badass, screaming scrappers. I’ll spare you the details – and get to the point of what was relevant for our Doubt Diva dance here.
When a person is looking for a victim, they often can tell right away who is a good prospect. One of the nonverbal cues an attacker goes by is eye contact. If they are vibing into you and sussing you out, and you notice and check them out equally – i.e., if you look them in the eye and track them – most often, you’ve just failed the “most likely to be a victim” test.
It’s similar with the Doubt Diva. If you let her lord it over you, she will. If you don’t stand up to her snarky comments and counter them, the echo those snark bombs leave will continue to reverberate and pull you down.
In the world after self defense class, we are counseled to stay aware, and to track any threats. There is a sphere of personal space, and when that is infringed upon, it’s clear we’re being threatened. To take care of ourselves, and stand up for our rights, we wake up and watch. We get big. We ask, WHAT DO YOU WANT? If the threat continues, we yell, LEAVE NOW. And keep repeating that until the attacker leaves (90% of cases). Or, we get to use our other new skills.
With the Doubt Diva, it’s more challenging because she’s invisible. But we can still apply these principles. I wish it were so easy that we could yell, I SEE YOU. And skip to the LEAVE NOW part…
But she might have some wisdom for you under the snark, hard to say. So, when you start to hear that voice, or feel that energy coming upon you, act as though someone just walked into your personal space. Ho! Who is that?! I SEE YOU! (Add expletives if you’re from NJ like me.)
Once you see her, and you say out loud that you do – it’s a whole new game. Then the words she uses are more clear to you, and less of a fog-inducing murmur. That fog thing – it’s harder to wake up to, and harder to challenge. You tend to just be out of commission until you can find your way back, hours, or days, … later.
So talk out loud. This is why folks give me a very wide berth (Kidding… I work at home so I can do these things…) Repeat out loud what she is saying. Sometimes that’s enough to know it’s BS. Sometimes you can say, WHAT DO YOU WANT? (This is a FBI method btw.) And – if it’s a legit request, or need, you’ve just saved yourself time and grief.
Thanks for your feedback so far – I am really stoked for Thursday. We’ll have one more of these DDRRs on Wed – until then, if you’d like to tell others about it, just have them visit this link. And thank you kindly!
P.S.If you’d like to experiment, try some of these moves above, or write down your Doubt Diva’s specific words when she visits – it’s often quite enlightening. They lose some power when the words get more visible, and the fog doesn’t get a chance to land. Big relief. It’s foggy ’nuff ’round here.
Best wishes for your next courageous steps,
Denise Barnes
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