THE METTA MEDITATION PRACTICE, PART II
In the last blog, I covered the first two steps of the Metta practice, described in the book Pocketful of Miracles by Joan Borysenko (read it here). Step one is to send the blessing and care to yourself. For without self-love, there’s less to really give. Step two of this practice is where you send the metta blessing to those you love.
That first step – opening your heart to yourself – is not always taught, and not always easy. Sending love and metta blessings to those you care about – well that seems easier. This second step, as noted last time, is a great way to replace worry you might have for your loved ones. Instead, send them some metta medicine.
You’ve laid the foundation. Now, in step three, you send blessings to those that Don Juan, the coyote shaman of Carlos Castaneda, called our petty tyrants. People you, well, don’t easily get along with. In a tarot reading, this would be where the crosscurrent lives, your current challenge. You may have a history of difficulty with this person, or there may be an argument or misunderstanding stirs things up. Frustration or sadness or anxiety are signs some attention can be needed in the relationship.
READY FOR ANOTHER ADVANCED PRACTICE?
Step three of metta is an advanced practice for most. It’s a way to do peace work. It helps you put in action the golden rule – that “love thy neighbor as thyself” maxim. As Joan B notes in the book’s February 13th entry, that maxim “is an unqualified statement. It doesn’t say love your good neighbors and your best friends. To love our neighbor is to extend the wish for enlightenment to everyone, including those we might hold in judgment or think of as our enemies.”
See why I called this an advanced practice? Yep, peace-work-yoga of the highest kind.
Joan suggests to start this step with those who might be “a little hard to love, rather than invoking your archenemy. Easy does it!” Good advice! You’ve got to build up to being this enlightened, lol…
WHAT ABOUT THOSE COYOTES AND CROSSCURRENTS IN LIFE?
This last step of metta helps us challenge our judgments and projections. When crosscurrents show up in life, there are a few things that can be happening. These can mirror blind spots and point to next lessons. They can point to a need to speak your truth. They can show things that you might not be owning that are easier to see in others.
It also might mean it’s time to end the relationship, if you see things are not working for the long term. Sometimes when a relationship starts, you’re on equal footing – but as one evolves faster, or to embrace different values, this can change. This is OK. Hopefully there can be an amicable split, another advanced practice.
Ram Dass has a nice tool to use when you are feeling judgment toward another. He’ll name the judgment, and follow it with, “And I am that too”. “What a fool!”, you think. As you catch yourself there, trying adding, “I am that too”. Yesterday I placed a call to a utilitiy company and the customer service person seemed a bit – well, the word “dingbat” came to mind. And I am that too! (Good for some laughs at times, too.)
Another good one for this area – the Peter Mayer song, The String (here it is on youtube). This lovely song describes how we’re all connected; hooked up to the same heart-based thread. Check out the song/lyrics. In the song, he wonders if at times, his feelings are his or those of another. For sensitives, with way-permeable boundaries, that’s always worth exploring.
AVOIDING CONFLICT – NOT THE BEST PRACTICE
What I see in my client’s evolution is that it’s hard to honor those challenging emotions that arise in relationship. Many wish to avoid conflict at all costs. Yet trust those feelings. Frustration and anger? There may be some lack of respect or unfairness that is happening. This may not be deliberate, but may need to be pointed out.
Yes, conflict is something many want to avoid. You hope it will blow over. But in the long run, this usually doesn’t work, especially for important relationships. Avoidance creates distance; obscures the love that’s there. Know that you can develop the skills for these conversations. And, they do get easier. (More on this next time.)
WHEN TO USE METTA MEDITATION
These three steps of the metta practice can be super handy. That first step is great when you’re feeling personally off, or being harsh with yourself. That second step is great for supporting, and not over-worrying, about those you love. And finally, you can work up your nonjudgment muscles, and your care for the evolution of all beings, by extending the metta blessing to those fine people you are at odds with right now. These teachers are often big sources of our learning, though it may be hard to see at the time.
So send some metta medicine out today, to self and other. It’s a great way to support and nourish this crazy world.
Here is the blessing, which I extend to you dear reader:
May you be at peace. May your heart remain open.
May you awaken to the light of your own true nature.
May you be healed. May you be a source of healing for all beings.
What drives you crazy with those petty tyrants and coyote teachers in your life? What other tools help you here? Please share your questions and enlightened ideas for the benefit of all.