I’m so excited about Wednesday’s webinar starting, and all the cool work we’ll be doing to uncover limiting beliefs. Let’s loosen their miserly paws from the bank balance! (Hey, can Loosen their Miserly Paws be a chant? Break out the cauldron!)
Today I’ll share another example of the stealth effect of limiting beliefs. And, some ways to use the soul savvy force to shrink their grip.
A colleague of mine, let’s call her Cindy, works mighty hard. She has a psychology-based day job that pays the bills and provides the family with benefits. Huge, that, and sometimes a bit draining. Meanwhile, she is growing her business as a kid’s social skills expert and parent coach. She just released her first book, and her programs for kids and parents are gathering steam.
A humble and loving soul, Cindy has great intentions and a beauty of spirit. This brilliance does not mean, unfortunately, that she is exempt from limiting beliefs (LBs). In one recent case, it was so clear how those LBs can quickly and irrevocably plug up the works to increased income. And fun. And creative collaborations. And… okay. Lots of things. I bet some of you can relate to how Cindy’s ‘money gremlin’ tried to claim squatting rights. Thankfully, the support was there to avoid calamity.
THE SITUATION
Cindy has been working for a couple of years now developing her programs, and is finally seeing progress. It has taken time, sweat, learnings and energy to get to this point. She has attracted collaborators and assistants, but is still developing the infrastructure and steady income streams. She has raving fans, and once she does become known to clients, it’s clear she is the real thing and a huge expert and help.
Cindy’s not an extrovert. Though she knows she has great work and help to offer parents and kids, she’s somewhat shy about promotion. Recently, a fellow colleague at the day job announced that she does similar work. This prompted a networking meeting between her and Cindy.
At this networking meeting, Cindy’s co-worker informed her about a colleague in their field who works in a neighboring town. This colleague was having great success though a prior work situation that was a strong referral base. Though this colleague had a sucky website (which was why Cindy had not found her before this time), she had a super thriving business. She was filling groups that were only an hour in length, charging much more. This neighbor’s business model was simple, lucrative, but a whole different animal. After all the struggle Cindy had been through to get her business to the level of success it was, her neighbor’s success was initially a slap in the face.
THE FIRST REACTION FROM LIMITING BELIEF LAND
How do you respond {!firstname_fix} when you discover a colleague, and yes, potential competitor, who is ahead of your current trajectory? How about when they’re on your “turf” – say in your locale? Okay. How about a colleague/competitor who is succeeding beyond your wildest dreams in the same field?
Cindy’s first reaction was understandable. She’d had a spring of hard work behind her, getting her programs to run, but not at capacity. Seeing her neighbor’s model and success, Cindy’s first reaction was that sinking, crestfallen feeling. Oh no! Look at what this person has been able to do! Plus, she makes it look easy. Ugh.
This is limiting belief land. It is not set in stone luckily, when it occurs. It is a great teaching moment. But like many of us, Cindy’s first thought was, Jeesh. Look at this person’s success. What is wrong with me? I must suck. Other variations can include:
Whatever I’m doing, it must be wrong.
Whatever I’m saying, it obviously doesn’t work.
See, I knew I’m not good at ____, and not having this critical skill renders me dead in the water.
Colorful, these limiting beliefs. Drama city often. A touch of old memories can add much angst and painful history. For Cindy, this was a reminder of teenage awkward times with communication. Without awareness, this whole thing led to a negative spiral after which Cindy was exhausted. She got sick even.
The funny thing is, as irrefutable as these limiting beliefs can seem when we’re under their spell (and that’s when they raise the most havoc), as soon as you take them out of the closet and throw a little light on them, they start to shrivel up. But oh what power they wield, until that light switch goes on.
THREE QUICK STEPS TO BEGIN TO UNRAVEL A LIMITING BELIEF
It takes a little practice to work these three steps – ah, you’ve heard that before you say. Practice helps to get to the core of a limiting belief. Sometimes if you don’t quite get to the depth of the essence, you can sense you’re almost there, but not quite at the heart of it. Sometimes it can help to say these three steps out loud, write it down, talk it out with a friend. After a few rounds, it starts to get much easier – you start to recognize some of the common themes and foundations.
Step 1) Name the worse case, best case scenarios
For Cindy, the worse case based on the LB was – I close up shop. I give up my true work. I go bankrupt and my business fails. I’m stuck at the (less than completely fulfilling) day job.
The best case? Well, maybe I could network with this successful woman. Even checking out her business from afar could transform my business model. Hey, maybe I could even collaborate, affiliate with this person if that felt right.
Wow – what a difference, eh? Though it’s scary to name that worse case side, it’s often a relief at the same time. You realize, this is probably pretty unlikely…
2) Name the core limiting belief that keeps you from the best case scenario
For Cindy, this was the famous, “I suck, I’m flawed, there’s something wrong with me”. I’ve never heard of it, have you? ; )
3) What is the affirmation or positive belief that would be an antidote to this negative core belief above?
This can take a few rounds to get to the essence. For Cindy, she started with realizing – okay, this potential colleague does have a lot of good things going, but her website stinks. If she were relying on Internet business, she’d be sunk. Then, Cindy thought – we all have our strengths and weaknesses. I may not be as good at networking, but she may need more website savvy. Bottom line affirmation antidote: (Though at first I found this threatening, I realize now) This could be a great opportunity!
THE GOOD NEWS
Limiting beliefs have a time in our lives when they serve us. And then we spend the rest of our time clearing and healing them, as we expand beyond our prior levels. Without investigation, LBs want us to stay right where we are, no expansion, often this means money, love, success, creativity – all squashed and stifled.
Luckily, after some practice, LBs can be easily identified. You can smell them by the way they put us on the defensive, make us feel bad about ourselves or our situation, and lead to feelings of depression or hopelessness. But with a bit of light(ness) and supportive inquiry, a LB like, “I better just shut down the business now”, can be transformed to “Wow – this could be the greatest opportunity of my business’s life”.
Which one bodes better for Cindy’s wallet and well-being? Let’s take a wild guess…
Have you had beliefs that, once shifted, led to more well-being and prosperity? Let’s talk it up.
Warmly,
Denise