A client had a cranky week. Irritation and frustration in the daily mundane, shortness with others at the tip of her tongue. The good news was she found it took less time to recover her balance. A week or two later, she reported a huge breakthrough synthesizing aspects of her essence and her contribution through her small business. Don’tcha love happy endings?
Soul Savvy humans are always evolving, the ambitious little buggers. Despite any retrograde planet or beaurocratic nightmares along the way – the pace is rarely slow. Last month I was reetling a bit from a step up into playing bigger, as some call it. Booked a sacred pilgrimage to Egypt along with a dear friend. It kicked my money ass!
I heard a voice from what felt like the ancestor realm – a kind of doomsday voice – say, “You’re inviting disaster!!” (A friend later asked, “Is this the old biddy ancestors?” Ha! You mean there’s fear-based as well as love-based ancestors? Hmmm….Do they duke it out?) Well, one thing was clear – I was stretching into new territory, personally and dna-wise. But it took a while to adjust, and for a while I noticed my computer backgammon game frequency reach new heights.
I wasn’t winning.
When you’re taking risks, or reaping benefits of leaps you’ve recently taken (as in a great month of sales in your business, or reaching a milestone on the job) – you can sometimes hit the ceiling of your “upper limits of joy” as Kathyln and Gay Hendricks, authors of Conscious Loving, call it. It’s kind of the cosmic thermostat of what you think you’re capable of – what is comfortable. When that temperature is rising, our inner homeostasis watchers (Ego? Inner Big Brother? Inner kid who didn’t get good results in the past when shining?) can send you some messages. The old fogey side of the DNA can make the warning lights and “danger” bells go off.
Yep, this is a good sign.
You are progressing beyond the comfort zone. Yet – it can bring up safety and trust issues that you can attend to for less bumpy journeying out in that tundra of new territory.
ATTENDING TO THE SAFETY CONCERNS WHEN PLAYING BIGGER
I love that song by The Bears, Fear is Never Boring. Ha ha! Never boring, and a constant companion. Someday we might be friends, but now he just makes my solar plexus feel like a giant frozen tomato.
It helps to know this is somewhat normal. Do you know Jerry Garcia, lead guitarist for the Grateful Dead, never lost his stage fright after all those years of playing (and polysubstance assistance)? I guess it’s time to get used to this portal spice of fear sprinkling our existence.
Many of you are quite brave about facing fears that most humans might forever delegate to closet space. Sometimes it feels like it’s less of a choice – you’re surprised by big leaps or shifts you pull off. Either way, good to remember that when you hit these levels of new ground, it is a type of starting over.
The spiral model of growth is circular and roundabout, yet each level is above the last. It’s not straight up the mountain side. So you hit those same landmarks of the trail again and again in the spiral – the same bumps can trip you up – but you are at a higher level inside and out. You’ve got more skills and ways to navigate those bumpy parts.
This is good news, even when you want to say, “Oh no, that same bump again – haven’t I made any progress?” When expanding with prosperity work and other braveheart warrior training, there is an opportunity to do things in a new way. Often our past cycles when we were less empowered might have involved more struggling and less support, for example. Yes we achieved this, but it took years off our life, caused endings in relationships, or income difficulties, as we muscled our way through.
The extra challenge of breaking new ground in this time is that you get to redesign the HOW YOU TRAVEL part. So if past pioneering involved severe bump absorption, you might have a tendency to assume it’s going to be a similar ride. It might not even occur to you for example, that you can get support or ask for some help. Doh! (Yay…)
The big issue here is safety and trust, as Mark Silver, author of Unveiling the Heart of Your Business, notes. In past rounds of that spiral, maybe it was NOT safe. You’d have been an idiot to trust. Now that you are the captain of your spiral ship however, you get to call the shots a bit more. Oop, watch that wave!
LEARNING THE LANDSCAPE OF TRUST
So yes, upper limits syndrome can show up before, after, and during expansion. With less awareness, you tend to boomerang around the landscape like road runner evading the coyote, hitting the ceiling and hitting bottom quite a bit.
But you can make it a smoother ride. Well, as smooth as it can be in the 2012 birth canal. A good start is just being aware of this upper limits thingey, and noticing when you are expanding. You can take your braveheart warriorness for granted sometimes and just think you’re just trucking along. Well my friend, look at that freakin’ leap you just took. My jaw is still on the floor. (applause, shy acknowledgement, humble bows, etc.)
AWARENESS STEPS
So first just acknowledge the expansion and the courage it took. It may still be a bit rocky. Just keep watching. When you watch your self and your life, you develop those “witness” muscles that add cushioning and more breathing room to the captain’s room view.
Yes, you can even shut entirely down when in the rocky zone of change. Note the details. These can be considered your personal symptoms of upper limits syndrome. Cranky? Playing lots of video games or doing more TV? Dropping out of the exercise program? Sleeping more or less? Eating more comfort food? Feeling more hopeless about making a difference in this world that’s sinking down the drain and on and on? Okay, make a list. These symptoms can change, but they’re often similarly themed. Note any excess “dra-ma”, as Dave Navarro terms it.
Then check in with what you now need. Often you might forget to take a break, celebrate, and/or plan for more support as you crossover into that bigger universe where you might have to regularly stand up straighter and be braver than ever. So yes, remember to nurture and water your self. And note that living with awareness and some peace/kindness in these times is a huge contribution. Even if you haven’t yet created that masterpiece, green company/product, or ebook.
To summarize the awareness step:
*Witness with tenderness and compassion – mostly curiosity. Take the anthropologist role.
*Note the symptoms – yep, write it down, and make a file or something so you’ll find it later.
*Take a breather to celebrate, rest, think about what you’ll need in this new world – like . . .
*Support? To advise loved ones of changes that might rock their boat too? Gifts to self, etc.
FREAK OUT DANCE MOVES
How you travel through growth spirals can vary – kind and gentle to frozen and cranky, awake to asleep at the wheel, fear to exhilaration. I can vouch for this as the tomato stains have not yet rinsed out from July’s laundry.
So along with the symptom list, it may behoove you to also compile the Freak Out Dance Moves list. You can play that song “Freak Out” from the disco days while you peruse your techniques in times of trouble. Anything! that might bring a half moon smile to your lips.
Here are some things to try, and add to:
* Exaggerate it all. Want to curl up in the fetal position? Make a sign, Closed til January? Do it.
* Along the same lines, act out the emotion in BIG mode. Let fear contract you to a prune.
* Plan a vacation. What the heck, you might not get anything done right now anyway.
* Is there perhaps, no . . . can’t be . . . a need for some fun? Nurturance? Nevermind.
* Work with it on the body level. Where’s the stress/emotion? Breathe in there. Let it just be.
* Alternately, devise a body-based “antidote”. Frozen tomato position antidote is to fiercely embody the solar plexus zone – to muscularly jut my chakra forward into space with a smile.
* Write a bit – what’s the worse case scenario? What would be the best case scenario? Hmmm.
About the “make it big” technique. Often our cotnractions are held in place by sounds at low volume. When you turn it up, you hear how ridiculous that “frozen tomato” fear really is. I’m inviting disaster? Because I’m going to Egypt instead of buying a new couch? Please, say more. (As the fear shoots itself in the foot…)
I can’t say enough about getting support – in general, in these times, and especially when you are one of this tribe intent on evolving and being part of the change. When I was in tomato position in July, my mastermind buddies (a type of support group) noted that while I didn’t think a lot was getting done, it was. They also noted the idea of “pooling” – when rivers swirl and circle before moving downstream again. Thanks guys.
My experience with clients and myself is that we tend to take a lot of our beauty and bravery for granted, along with our gifts and jewel-like attributes. So chances are this might be happening as you pass through one of these transition zones between what was and what will be. It’s a bitch to begin again sometimes. So catch it if you’re being hard on yourself (turn that volume up). You won’t go wrong giving yourself a little credit at these times, even if you can’t see two feet in front of you. Think of a kid having a nightmare or having a scare or being sick, and break out the tea and cookies.
Having any growing pains lately? Can you tell the difference between the need for TLC and a GooSKA (good swift kick … you know where)? What helps you at the edges between the old and the new, brave and/or frozen ones?