Today’s topic is inspired by Spencer Sherman’s book, “The Cure for Money Madness”. Besides containing financial wisdom on a variety of topics (investing, renting vs owning, etc.), the author provides great insight on how to work with the irrational side of spending and money management that sometimes takes over – despite our best intentions. Enter the Money Monster, mwaaaah ha har har …
Money – It’s Not Rocket Science, yet … You Often Jump Ship
You’ve been good. You’ve been eating at home, digging the healthier foods, and saving money for weeks on end. Then all of a sudden, some extra stress, a few challenging emotions, and the idea of another bowl of bean soup all converge, and – Voila! You have a string of dining out that buries your thrifty record in the dust.
Or you’ve had a great few months of sensible spending after resolving to stay away from the mall. But you discover a new shoe store next to the hardware store when you had to pick up the duct tape and vwoosh! Another pair of sexy shoes click clack into your closet.
Or you have been planning to make time for a money meeting with your self/hubby/family. But the familiar dread arises when you wake up that day, or a few hours before your scheduled time. You’re tired! You haven’t had any fun in way too long … wouldn’t it be possible to start this next week? Then maybe you’ll find the receipts that have gone missing and be able to get a handle on the budget …
Okay then. Get that burger and shoes – go to the movies instead of your money meeting. Feeling better? No, of course not. Because you’ve not fed your sensuous belly, artistic side, or your need for fun. You’ve fed the Money Monster – and while the Monster’s happy, your true self knows the hungry ghost belly is never satiated.
Who Dat Monster?
By this time, you probably have heard how our money messages of the past can gain mass and momentum like a snow ball rolling into Frosty formation. Usually it’s an innocent start – look at that cute little ball of snow – but it grows over time and gets hard to stop without major work.
Maybe you asked dad a silly question like, “Can I have that new bike?” or “How much money do we have?” and got read the riot act. Maybe you noticed (this would be me) that even though there wasn’t money to cover basic expenses, worry would occasionally be thrown to the wind for some fast food relief that might have instead bought a lot of … okay, beans – but you catch my drift.
Often the money messages are way old – passed down through generations. There are positives with the negatives too. For example, when depression-era or immigrant thriftiness leads to good shopping and saving skills, but also limited earning mindsets or hoarding tendencies. Such a mixed bag to sort!
Luckily – there is hope for you no matter how wicked your money monster. You just have to open that closet door (phew! need some air in here) – and get the dude out in the open. So let’s see how to “out” this thing and get some help with ambush prevention.
All good monsters operate better in dark dank closets, and capitalize on the element of surprise. But just a wee bit of awareness (hey that Leprechaun’s early!) brings them to their knees, airates the room and it may even make you guys a bit friendlier.
After all money monsters do start with good intentions too – usually to protect you – but but this outdated history has outlived the need for defense. You now need to dismantle the money monster autopilot function.
How to Troubleshoot Money Monster Claws
I do recommend you rent or buy the book – I liked Spencer’s energy and self disclosure of his own “money madness”. He has good stories about people’s different types of money monsters (MM) – they strike us all. Yes, MMs operate despite their owners being educated and/or moneyed – like the mortgage banker who buys the too expensive home due to visions of wine sipping at the fireplace (irrational) rather than the number story with the fireplace repair reality(rational). Or the broker who puts all his money into one stock and loses it all when the bubble bursts, despite knowing way better.
The following ideas come from the book as well as the MoneyMonk pool of wisdom, and eh … snowball melt.
1) Be on the lookout for your irrational $ behaviors and triggers
You should know by that Ugh kind of deflated feeling in your stomach afterwards – or the speeding heartbeat before and during the spending. Just notice what you can about it, and what might have contributed to jumping over to this irrational side of life, this time.
2) Look for money leaks, and links to old money messages
In my case, there were a lot of money messages, but I didn’t really link it to my own behavior until I observed that dining out spike syndrome. Oh, there’s a place I leak money. Oh, that’s kinda like Mom used to do when she got some extra money. Oh that probably relates to that message that, “We’ll never get on top of our bills, so we might as well enjoy ourselves” kind of thing. Which has some cultural precedence in the Irish saying, “It is better to spend money like there’s no tomorrow than to spend tonight like there’s no money”. (I also have seen this quote attributed to PJ O’Rourke – who sounds Irish too).
3) Track the triggers and set up some ambush prevention
If you are eating split pea soup for 5 lunches in a row, there will be an eventual rebellion. If you are not scheduling enough time for (fill in the blank with say creativity, fun, intimacy) it may rear its head in an unattractive format, when pushed too far. If you are having some emotional challenges at the same time you are having too many days of bean soup – AHHH! So, keep track of the elements that comprise the precursors to your irrational money behaviors, and brainstorm some MM ambush prevention strategies. (After x many days of split pea soup, I freeze it and …)
4) Inquire within re: the old money story, the monster’s purpose – and REVISE as needed
See the book for some detailed steps on how to work this step. Basically, there’s usually a combination of child mind (just one side of the story), bad experiences and fear that create monsters. If it was a bad experience as a kid that leads to this, Spencer’s suggests retelling the story in third person, and coming up with three alternate endings. What fun! Hardy har. Coffee shop time …
5) Keep watch
The money monster doesn’t die. He just smells that way. Oh wait, that’s fishermen, per my grandfather. No – MMs can be activated even when you’re on top of your money scene. That’s why we often need financial reboots, regular money meetings, and all these good practices. So just know that irrational side can be debugged with a little light of awareness, even if that light gets lit after the behavior had wreaked some havoc. Never too late to turn it around, practice compassion for yourself and get a bit of dirt on your monster. That can be used to deflate and befriend that ball of protection.
Want to share some dirt about your money monster? Please comment.
And may the luck of the Irish – wait, that’s not necessarily a good thing.
Best of luck money monster sleuthing!
Denise Barnes