In this Self-Care Series, we look at Self-care Sabotage #2: False Beliefs that Undermine Sanity. Everyone has limiting beliefs that rise up now and then. When you bring them out in the open by naming them, you often see how inaccurate they are. Then you can tame them, reframe them, “sane” ’em.
Limiting beliefs (LBs)! You can’t live well with them, can’t live without them. It’s like a factory that keeps pumping out pollution, or a planet that keeps up global warming practices that endanger life. No matter how much inner work you do, they still rear their pointed little heads or share their smell now and them.
What are these LBs? These are negative thoughts that say in some way or another, you don’t have what it takes. Ultimately they want to keep you safe, and the same! Gay Hendricks in his book, The Big Leap cites 4 ‘False Beliefs’ about why you can’t succeed or shine: 1) You’re fundamentally flawed in some way. 2) If you fully succeed/expand you’ll end up alone, leave people behind and be disloyal to your roots. 3) More success will bring a bigger burden. 4) If successful you’ll outshine others, and make them look bad.
Luckily, within the #SoulSavvyWay, we have ze ways to transform zis smog into ze crystal clear, fresh scented reality that zis zessential for zis time. (Oopz I zink zis is ze mad energy healer appearing…)
A personal story. A stress mgmt. consultant for two plus decades, I know the importance of self-care, and how crucial daily stress management is. As a teacher, preacher etc., I do walk my talk, but hey, I’m from New Jersey, the land of loud noises and oil production. Sometimes my roots rise up.
Last week, I found a negative belief lurking in my operating system, complete with its own apocalyptic survival landscape! Yep, layer 676 reveals – a limiting belief!
Checking in with my “productivity” lately, it realized my pace was a bit unrelenting. In doing some inner work with a mastermind buddy, she asked, “What’s the inner landscape with this ‘working hard’ energy?” Instantly I got the image and voice, “Run! Stay ahead or die!” The energy was like a monster in pursuit. (Monsters and the RUN! command often appear alongside fearful beliefs with clients, and before big shifts.)
These inner messages kick on the Fight or Flight response. The brain sends threat reports; “Red Alert!” The thoughts blurt out instructions like, “Work hard! Get everything done before you can relax! Oh no, look at that list! Better keep moving!”
Limiting beliefs lurk. They’re like the worst social media follower who never makes a helpful comment or acknowledges anything positive. Thankfully, they can be retrained to serve you better.
BUSTING LBs: LOOK AT YOUR THOUGHTS
1) NAME ‘EM: First you have to notice these fear-based thoughts, and name them. Naming and taming is the work of the therapy technique, Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT). I also love Marc Allen’s “Core Belief Process”, his brilliant and body-inclusive formula for taming limiting beliefs.
2) TAME ‘EM: After the noticing/naming, then you do the retraining, the taming. What do you really want here? Well, in my own case, it was no wonder I was working pretty hard, with the old threat alarms going off in the background. Beep Beep Beep! What I want instead? Easeful, enjoyable and fun work. Quality of life. Sustainable pacing with awesome productivity. Good self-care and replenishment along the way.
OTHER SIMPLE ACTIONS TO SHIFT BELIEFS:
Ask yourself – what am I telling myself here? What’s the inner landscape around this energy/challenge? It seems obvious once you see the thought, but if you don’t bring the thought out, it stays under the radar, wreaking havoc and bad moods.
Try the core belief process. Quite a blast to name your antidote.
Find a way to anchor the antidote, the new landscape, this new belief. Put this new image in your meditation practice to anchor that. Write it on a sticky note where you’ll see it often.
MY NEW LANDSCAPE
The new image that came to me that day shows me sitting in a wicker swing. Yes, a hammock upgrade! There is deep breathing going on. Embodiment, smiling. The antidote belief? I create easeful work alongside kick ass self-care. (Causes me to breathe deeply every time!) A huge achievement for a Jersey native.
How about you, friendly reader? Join me. Let’s hear your latest, maybe just as laughable False Belief and your antidote! Fun fun fun!
Yours in Ze Soul Genius path,
PS The advanced practice with LBs is to note the truth of the concern, behind the inaccurate presentation. That can be good intel.
THE REST OF THE SELF-CARE SABOTEURS SERIES:
Gay Hendricks, The Big Leap: Conquer Your Hidden Fear and Take Life to the Next Level
Marc Allen’s Core Belief Process