Waking Up in the Dark

Nothing worth having comes without some kind of fight
Got to kick at the darkness ‘til it bleeds daylight

– Bruce Cockburn, Lovers in a Dangerous Time, Stealing Fire, 1984

2018. It’s been six years since 2012, when some-kind-of-wonderful awakening was promised. emember that? I didn’t hear of any extraordinary ascensions at that time – at least not the predicted anti-rapture. Personally, that year ended one of my most difficult life passages, go figure. Bruce Cockburn’s above were relevant, and they still are. Yes, now I can look back and smile, but that took a few years.

Today though, I do see more signs of awakening. 2012’s promise – better late than never? Or was it all meant to happen this way, the darkest crevices of our humanity coming to light, as we simultaneously clear our personal and collective debris. Now, I haven’t spotted any white robed beings surfing off into the ethers on golden Frisbee orbs. Yet it does feel like the darkness is getting kick boxed out of the basement, as many are also finding their way to their golden wholeness.

Many years before her final days in this life, shifts in my relationship with my Mom was one that gave me hope that yes, people can seriously change. I watched her make amends to an estranged son, when she was never one to apologize. I saw how we began to laugh together on the phone about previously taboo topics. I saw her become grateful and appreciative of her care towards the end of her life, losing a lot of her rigidity. She seemed to take on different qualities, even becoming more physically affectionate – ok, finger holding, but still. And one of her final statements on her death bed after one of our final apologies for the trouble we caused her? “I love you kids”. Again, not a usual type of statement from our stoic and often harsh lineage.

If that decades-ago proof of the possibility of change was heartening, today’s potential for change feels more exponential and more widespread. In a recent movie that examined intuition, “PGS”, ex-Yale academic-turned-channel Paul Selig, when asked what is happening in today’s world, commented that “Everyone is waking up”. He notes that it’s not simple or smooth. No, more often, the next day you’re left wondering, “What the hell was that?” Transformation can get confused with bliss, and ascension can be assumed to culminate in that easy ride on the golden frisbee.  Helpful to note that Earth life includes sometimes desperate crawls through a birth canal or two, where anesthesia is not always an option.

Yes, this deep roto-rootering upon us and the vociferous demands for change go beyond words. It feels like the energy is shifting and the world is more able to see the truth, and the need for social justice. That helps the movement toward real change. It’s not the first time these issues have gotten lit up, but each time, more movement, more change is created.

It makes sense to question how major awakenings – more love, ease, creativity, spiritual alignment – can happen in times that seem so dark.  Yet history repeats the notion that life is messy. Many evolutionary leaps were anchored in tragedy’s rubble. While it may be counter intuitive to feel awakening’s potential strengthening these days, to feel hope amidst these often dark times, there has never been a shortage of paradox ‘round these here parts.

Progress: two steps forward, one step back. The mystery may never be clear while we’re earth bound. If you feel the signs of more light in your life, take heart. It’s both/and, light and dark, and May they both lead to healing for all beings. It’s true that these times are shaky indeed. It can be confusing on how best to show up, to contribute – how to be the change you wish to see in the world, as Ghandi said. Remember that just being here, being alive, being a voice and heart of compassion as well as reason, is a huge thing.

And until that golden frisbee orb with my name on it arrives, what helps me is to try to stay neutral, keep clearing old patterns I don’t need, and connect to source daily. Even with my new five minute morning meditation, torrents of amazing help and instructions are gifting me. Even with the rubble of change threatening to take me out, I remember than death is relative, and that it often is known and planned as part of the soul’s journey. I am part of a bigger picture, the edges of which I’m only beginning to glimpse. Yes I know enough to know what my next step is, and to stay aware of what my personal best is.

Namaste dear friends and fellow journeyers,


About Denise Barnes

Licensed Therapist, Life Coach and Spiritual Counselor, Denise has an office in Boulder CO and is a certified Telehealth provider.
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