Jackie tends to have trouble saying no; helping others comes easily. Lately she is realizing she ends up feeling drained at times when helping. She just had a friend live with her and family for six weeks, when it wasn’t supposed to be that long, and when this friend had other options before homelessness, it turns out. Jackie wants to know – why do I get in these situations? Feeling drained isn’t a good thing, for me or others…
WHAT DOES THIS DARK SIDE NEED FROM US?
There are many ways to work with this dark side. It basically is asking to be healed, just like the dysfunctional dynamics of our planet are. These healing areas or “dark sides” need to be addressed as you expand, or they keep tripping you up. For Jackie, she might make some progress with her business, but then gets too burned out to maintain it or respond well to new opportunities.
Initially when you first become aware of a dark side pattern, it seems the instincts want to hate it. Stone the sinner; burn the witch; verbally slay the perpetrator on talk radio. “That is so wrong, and you are so messed up”, kind of thoughts, directed at the self. Whatever your core pattern is, it will get activated here.
At that point, it might seem what goes wrong in your life is all about other people’s weirdness, bad intentions, incompetence, etc. Yet what you might not see – due to your dark side dynamics – is how you are creating this very dynamic. You tend to recreate the very dynamics that wounded you. It’s coming up so it can be healed! Kind of crazy, when you first realize this, I know. Very humbling too.
What the dark side needs from us, is love, not hate. And patience, because it takes time to establish new patterns and new ways of approaching the world. Wounds give us well-grooves that are automatic and make sense. It takes work to respond differently, and courage to become visible, speak up, and ask for what you want, if you’ve been taught to hide or that you’re unworthy of love, beauty, abundance.
Maybe this pattern, this wound, this dark side could use a little appreciation too. Hey, it might feel, I got you this far. I did help you survive. Yes, it’s time to change, but first, how about a little compassion and respect?
THREE IDEAS TO HEAL YOUR DARK SIDE
1) First, keep your perspective about the bigger picture of the healing that wants to happen.
Note that when difficulties arise, it might be an opportunity for healing. Especially if the dynamics feel stickily familiar, or if you’ve been there before with this problem. If you are triggered/charged/burning up about something – that’s a good sign there is some work for you here.
2) Second, thank your disabled self for what it did to survive, yet look for new ways of working.
You might think of this dark side as a type of handicapped inner child, and pay attention. You’re not going to further abuse this one by saying, “What the heck are you doing, dummy? What’s wrong with you?” On the other hand, you wouldn’t pamper this one or your feelings too much either. You’ll want to stay balanced and attentive, note the patterns and consequences. And try something new based on what you truly want to create in your life. Whatever was getting thwarted can have a chance to bloom now.
3) Third, practice compassion, or “mercy” as I think of it.
Mercy is that spiritual quality that unconditionally accepts and embraces the ugliest mess you can make. Yes, I’ve made some, and mercy is a life saver. No matter how terribly you feel you’ve messed up, or how dark that side feels, or how stunted your communication or how much your regret your actions when triggered, you can request mercy. Ask for it. Let the energy fill you up, and see what happens.
Mercy from the Divine, that unlimited source. Mercy from yourself, knowing that this dynamic was learned so you could survive! Do you realize that, you may not have LIVED ON, without this? So mercy to you, and compassion for all with this dark side dance.
IT’S WORTH IT AND IT GETS EASIER
More steps unfold in this newer dance, of bringing the dark side to the light. Of learning to heal that learned response, so as to allow more soul expression, love and prosperity (and all the things that unconscious dark side dynamics can block you from creating.)
While it can be hard to unlearn the inaccurate dynamics of the dark side pattern, reset a new groove and step up to a more mature response and power, it gets easier with practice. It gets easier to catch those patterns as you get familiar with their song and dance. It becomes more easily recognized when you are “triggered” or when an old dark side pattern is being rubbed up against by life.
And then there’s more choice for how to respond. Light workers who want to help the world? Well, there is plenty of healing in our own backyards. And it’s incredible how much this helps – the healing light that spreads after successful dark side healing. It’s not only personal work at that point, as it heals your ancestral line of abusive histories. You go beyond where your history used to imprison you. You become freer.
Next time, let’s talk about what the nitty gritty dancin’ looks like – dirty dancin’? – when Jackie decides to work on her over-care giving pattern. What does she actually do, what helps, and what changes.
Blessings and gratitude for the work you do,
Does this dark side discussion make sense in your life? Do you get that feeling you’ve been through this before, not in a good way? Comments welcome!